Your smile through the clouds<Gulistan.>

Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what. 

I have been having a difficult time in finding myself back in my life, Be alert if you are in a position like mine and start to take some time ponder it over, slow down a bit and stop consuming your life.  And now you have my word that I will not have time for enjoying sun beams till the sunset of my life.   

Tomorrow I would like to say hello to the rising sun, to the morning dues and to myself.

 Trust me that I am not complaining or whining.  This is only a statement that I am trying to deliver some facts.  When the company presents itself as principle abiding, or say, it tries hard to be. It is never easy to be so ideal though. I do not wish my dreams goes down. No way!  I would like to wish it sustainable .. The fear of mistakes drove everyone to be twice careful.  But it was sort of frustrating at the lack of confidence that there might be mistakes though we counter checked our tasks again and again.

But I know, now, that this is what it should be in real life.  This is the pressure I would bear when I chose to come close to my dreams . in the future,I would enjoy a less-stressed environment where I could fully unleash my talents and work with willingness and happiness. 

I grow a lot.  And the only thing to expect now is I will be more mature!

  I am discovering just how much self-centeredness and immaturity annoy me. I am also discovering how less patient I have become with age. But maybe it’s not about becoming less patient, perhaps I am finally learning to set boundaries with others. There is a limit to how much of a bad thing one can take. You may say and feel all the things you want but if your actions don’t match those feelings and words, then they are all meaningless.

So many questions inundated my head and strong emotions slapped my heart.Funny how much words on paper can affect you,Whatever may happen I keep telling myself to focus on what I have, on all those people and things in my life for which I am grateful.

God seems to be putting up challenges to test my patience these few days. 

I went shopping today,it was raining, the rain hitting painfully on my face and unluckily.seems like i dont have much of a choice. plus i might be accompanying Mum to somewhere.. you know how i love to spend some time with her;

you know, suddenly, i realized that i have alot of choices to make. alot of choices i dont feel like thinking and making a decision. oh, i hate making decisions. 

hmm, okay, that’s not much. but still, these decisions are going to alter my life forever. right? damnnn damnnn damnnnnn  

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you  want. Now believe it can come true. You will never know when the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you are wishing for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe it, with all your heart."  

Tdoay I am very disappointed, because I got the news that my visa stuff delayed again,these months with great effort and hope. However, I failed again. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me,  I aways expect the good news. With great disappointment, I failed.

.. i always feel misunderstood. i crave for acceptance, i crave for understanding, i crave for people to remember little good things about me, i crave for people to notice me. but.. how come things always turns out so differently from how you expected it? for once, i wished for predictability.

.. at least, give me a sign? anywhere, even a flutter of leaves, a stirring of the wind? all i have is nothing, nothing. or perhaps i just choose to overlook how fullfilling my life actually can be - if i ever wanted it. 

heartache, this is how it feels like.

dilemma, like a never-ending wave crashing into your brain.

jealousy and envy, both evil green monsters muddling with your conscience, your feelings.

i’m struggling, struggling to keep them all under control. my heart is twisting, so heavy, and maybe i will feel better if i can cry it all out.Do you know how it feels like to be waiting and anticipating for something?

 want to scream for help, to rely on something, be dependent on someone. but that is not the answer. i know for certain that for this one obstacle, only i can help myself, only i have the answers.

the question now is.. how?

the world seems very silent now..

"You can find yourself in unreasonable places, and you can be wrong about alot of things; but if you believe in yourself, and if you choose to keep on smiling, you’ll be okay."

During the ten months at home,I had not enough experiences to share;I wished I were brilliant enough. However, lacking experience and self-confidence made my days here very tough. 

For many times I wanted to quit, but I kept encouraging myself by saying “Be persistent, and leave only when you succeed!”

 stayed, though I found there many misunderstandings and unfair troubles. I just wanted to prove that I could do it! 

but still far away from my expectation.” I felt a little disappointed because I think situation became worse day by day…I turned out to be very emotional, and was easily affected by the surroundings. 

 I always told mysef Hold any chances around you; Look around when you go across the road. You would find your destiny in your hand.

I am afraid the plan to leave the company in a short time has to be postponed. Maybe you would think I am naive, would you? 

Comments (0)