Your smile through the clouds<Gulistan.>

  For a long time I seldom get together with him. At first I felt very uneasy. Then I felt that I used to it.  I seem to forget him gradually. At least, I seldom feel the worry and care for him. I don’t know whether this choice is reasonable or unwise.  Sometimes I will think about him, and the enjoyment and happiness when we get together.   It’s a pity that I lose them forever.  

I dont know whether he notices or cares about it. Maybe I am just one of his good friends. The other day Melody said to me that no man will treat you good without purpose.  So, does he treat me more special than other girls? I am not sure.  

I seem to be not a sensitive girl who notices others’ attitude to me.  I just know clearly that when I am with him my heart is full of joy and happiness.. No matter what is the real matter, it’s clear that we are far from each other. However, as a saying goes, the man is the sight animal. 

The man usually crushes to a girl just at the sight of her.   

It’s said that pesons are like hedgehogs in need of warmess. If we are too far away, we can’t get warmness from each other. If we are too close, the thorns over our body will hurt each other. Therefore, the perfect distance between persons is neither too far way nor too close. We should care for, believe and contain each other, and above all, we should leave each other a personal time and space.

it’s strange how a somewhat amazing day (filled with talks, rumbles, jokes and laughter with him) could end so disappointedly. but right now, it feels somewhat better, for which i’m glad.thought about this speedy friendship, about how it had progressed ever since day 1, when i first sat beside him in the library.

all I know is, our barely two-months neutral friendship can never compete with a 3 years long relationship.

 I will take this friendship lightly, i will just enjoy the company, the advices,   the jokes easily. just enjoy and be neutral.  I am a bright girl who knows clearly about my advantages and weakness. But it’s difficult for me to conquer my weakness. Who can help me and who can tell me what I can do?

  Saying “good luck!” when get something wonderful by chance without breaking a sweat, and “bad luck!” when encounter something very bad which ruin their life for the moment, people blame too much on their destiny.I wonder that, since we would sometimes enjoy good luck, and sometimes we have bad luck, you can see bad luck as –n, and good luck as +n, then you plus your bad luck and good luck, you can get 0, that is, no luck.

Therefore you don’t need to bother with your destiny. What exactly affect your life is your attitude, your character and attitude or character of those who live in your world. 

i’m tired tired tired. my head feels like a hammer whacking non-stop at it. 

i feel fainted.i suddenly wanna say, ‘i wanna give up. i dont wanna work anymore, study anymore. just let me give up. just let me give up, okay?’

i guess it’s byebye? maybe, heh, sigh, i dont know! damn all these decisions. if only there are better choices available.

right now, i’m just praying that my fate can be changed!

boy, i cant wait. 

 In life, there’s only one certainity. And that is death itself.

I just remembered the other day, i was listening to that song on my ipod. and then, somehow, i found myself pressing the 

BACK button whenever the song finished and the next song came .I just had a talk with NXX on the phone, talking about uni 

life and stuff like that, and you know what, upon hearing what she said, i suddenly find that this path that i’m planning to 

embark on right now seems very scary and uncertain. is this what i really want? I find this question popping into my head 

constantly. girl, is that what you really want? now, what do you really want? the questions flowing in are endless, and I have 

this feeling that I might not be able to get the answer after months later. 

I know I shouldnt be thinking this way, but the other side of me says, yes that’s exactly what you are doing. I can actually 

start thinking of furthuring my education. somehow, it feels very evil and ironic dont you think?

it scares me, like how everything is scaring me at the moment. 

this feels like a moment of insecurities,uncertainity and i feel very unsafe.

I like writing, and all of my writing is from the bottom of my heart. I write because I want to keep track record of my life and my thought. Therefore, my writing has intimate relationship with my life, my thought and every friend who runs into my life. Almost all the friends who come to my life and my inner world appear on my writing. However, my writing seldom gets attention from my friends. Few friends will know about them. Maybe that’s why I can write everything I want to write. Before I refused　to reveal any of my writing to my familiar persons who are around me, because there are too much inner secret from my heart. I have no courage to anatomy myself before others. If so I will lose the feeling of safety. Gradually I no longer refuse the friends to read my articles. 

For me, there is two world——–reality and spirit. These two worlds go along with each other and affect each other. My spirit lead my reality and finally is influenced by my reality at the same time. However, in some way they are independent. In reality, I work, strive for money, just because money is the first important factor to make my life happy. However, in my spirit I pursue something has nothing to do with money but priceless, such as love, freedom and interest. In reality, I need a relaxing life. I like talking with friends in a free and humorous way, because I feel easy and happy to live in this way. By contrast, in my spirit world I often think about the serious life philosophy, such as the attitude to life, the distillation of love, the sentiment about life. Generally speaking, my reality is live and busy full of persons coming and going. In contrast, my spirit world is quiet, alone and just belongs to myself. Every day I need time to spend along, doing something I like, such as reading and writing. 

I always keep a good habit of reading before sleep. Every night I lie in the bed with a comfortable posture, and then turn on the books I like, at that time my spirit is purified. In this way I get a wonderful soul consolation. In my reality I seem to be an extrovert. I can make friends with different people and get a lot of friends. I can be active in different occasions. However, only I know that I am introvert when I face to myself only. 

I pay attention to my inner voice and pursue inner world. However, I share my heart and soul with few friends in my reality, because I think it’s not fit to mix my two worlds. In my writing, there is a real me, showing up my spirit and soul, but few friends in my reality can share my writing.

Unfortunately, for some strange reason, I stopped writing for a long time. I suppose that is because that I had ups and downs in my life, I felt depressed, wanting to do nothing. Not a single piece came out. Oh, so many inspirations came and went , if  I had written them down! 

Never take anything for granted. Sometimes you may regret. Habit, only good  habit can take us to a place where there is a lot of happiness.

you know what really pisses me off? ..

ok. just stop writing about blues..

i have quite alot of plans for tomorrow, I need a perfect happy place and time where i could think without distractions. sigh. double sighs. i’m still very bothered by my V stuff.i’m still mooning, moaning, crying, depressing 

today, i realize how some people can be such turn-offs. they seems rather amazing, well, he seems to be that way. a friend i could rely on.seems like i need more skills on judging a character!

i need  learn to grow to like my environment. but some people just sucks dont they